I have to laugh at my own thoughts.

So today, as difficult as it still is, you know what, my husband is on his way home, and thank god for that! I miss him terribly, and its been two months since Ive seen him. Goodness. I had to blog tonight because as I'm sitting here I just had to literally laugh at the real thoughts racing thru my head.

Once things calmed down today I am looking around the house and I start thinking... crap...hes going to be home Saturday and there is NO more room in the closet for him anymore, I have accumulated and moved too many things around. Great, need to clean that out. 

Oh great, no more secret shopping since he isn't around. Hmmm...need a plan B for that.
Ahhhh I need to start shaving my legs again, every SINGLE day!!!

Darnit, I have two days to pull together all my Pinterest Recipes and re-scour that puppy for hours to put together a bunch of dinners for his arrival home. (I don't cook full on meals AS much when he is gone, but when he's home I cook 6 nights a week.) Well 5, Wednesdays is "Fend for yourself Wednesdays", (seriously) and Friday or Saturday we go out. So now I'm all stressed figuring out a grocery store plan for Saturday morning before he gets home. 

Yay! I can sleep in Sunday morning and not wake up to the annoying barking of our two dogs begging to go for a walk. Score, oh and he can give them a bath. Brew on dog duty! I win!

Finally he can start some projects I have waiting for him. Starting with refinishing the nightstands!

So excited we can now go do our "trash the dress" photo shoot in Sedona I have been waiting to do!

Lets see what else he can do, Take the girls to school, help clean the kitchen after dinner, Wash the pans..I hate those suckers Id rather throw them away (Don't judge me, did you read above I cook?) Oh and did I mention already deal with the dogs 100%?!!

Oh boy! Welcome home Brew! Sure your so excited to get here quick!! =)

Goodbye Red Sox

A lot of people are texting me, emailing me, etc asking lots of questions. This post will be easier to explain it all. My tears are all dried up for today. After being on the DL since July 1st, my husband has been working so hard on getting his elbow better. Monday he threw for the first time, 45 feet and felt good, and yesterday he threw again at 60 ft. The trainers and coaches said they were impressed he is doing so well and feels good only on the second day. So needless to say, from my post a few days ago, we were very excited. However, he still needed to continue throwing and working up to 120 feet to work his way back to live pitching on the mound. We felt like we were on the right track again. Today, Brew was released from the Boston Red Sox. They told him they picked up so many guys in the draft there wasn't any roster room for him now that he is getting better and since he had such a great first half of the season, the best thing they could do for him now is release him and he has a good chance of getting picked back up by another team.

Well we know with 3 weeks left of the season that chance is very very slim, especially because he still needs to work on his arm and throw a few more weeks. So now he is on his 3 day drive home and will be home by Saturday, which of course I can't wait to see him since I haven't in so long. I miss him so much, but this isn't how I wanted to him to come home so badly. Heartbroken, defeated, and let down. In 8+ years of Professional baseball he has never been released. Its definitely normal to release guys who have season ending injuries, we, just like with our bank account fraud, never thought it would happen to us. Ive learned how dirty baseball is over the years. It is definitely a political business. There is little to do sometimes with talent it seems. Not that the players aren't talented, of course they are. Immensely! The odds of a player getting drafted out of high school or college. are crazy but lesson each year you play another year in the minors and of course until you get to the majors, so there is obviously major talent there, but I've definitely learned the dirty side of baseball, the side few people tell you which is fine but wow...its mostly politics. So after hours of tears, and trying to support my husband and bring his spirits up, and over 30 baseball wives messaging me, tweeting me and emailing me, I feel immense support and we are now just trying to breathe and take it all in. 

His chances of getting picked up in the off season, with his numbers from last year and this year are great, and of course I hope for his sake, the phone rings for him before Spring. He could even play fall or winter ball. He has worked his whole life for this since he was little, gave up school, gave up everything to play when he was drafted and it is all he has ever done or known. His heart is still in this game, and I know his future will still involve baseball if he's on the mound, in a coaches box, or scouting or whatever it is. His dreams are too close. So for now, he comes home, he works on his arm, throws every day, works out and stays in baseball shape so he is ready in case he gets a call, and meanwhile, we work on plan B, in which i'll be by his side every step of the way with whatever he decides. So now Ill pack away all my Red Sox gear in the back of my closet along with the Brewers and Mariners gear that's in there and never worn anymore, until we have a new favorite team to support. Of course I have a few I'd LOVE for him to play for! 

Naturally, I was panicked about what the future holds, since we have so much else going on right now. Thankfully, we have always had a plan B, with kids and getting older, we need to. So, If this is where playing ends, I know it will take a long time to get used to, and a lot of tears in between while he figures out where else he fits in the world, but I am proud of how far he has come and how long he made it. I know God has a plan for him. I know it will be bigger and better than this. My husband is a very faithful and patient man who has a good relationship with God so I know those two have something planned and Brew just doesn't know its in the works yet. I can only pray that he finds that out soon. I believe in blessings in disguise.

First day of School!

Today was the first day of school! Crazy how fast the summer flew by! Now I have a 1st grader and a 2nd grader! I cannot believe that! They are such big girls! Cheers to the first day of school!!!!! 

The art of staying positive

YAY! So latest update on my husband, defiantly doesn't look like we will be joining the Tommy John family. Rehab in Florida has been going so well. Last week he started on shoulder stuff since its been weak without throwing due to the elbow, and yesterday he called me and got to throw. He threw 45 & 60 feet and felt great. Today they had him throw again 60 ft and said they were shocked how well he was doing for only the 2nd day, when he hasn't thrown in over a month. He doesn't look like he is holding back or anything.

He may throw again tomorrow and the goal is to work up to 120 feet again in the next few weeks and build his strength back up.

So far so good! He usually gets sore after a few days of throwing not the next day, so we will see how he feels the next few days. Tonight he "bibled" to me he felt great! This is such a blessing for all he has been through! So exciting!!!! His spirits are up and to me, that's all that matters. Positive thoughts prevail. xoxo

Happy Birthday to my Baby Girl!

My littlest Princess turned 6!!! Born August 2, 2006. She came in at 5 lbs 10 oz and 18.5 inches long! She was so beautiful! So excited for Madison to have a little sister! Gosh have those 6 years flown by! Everyone always tells you that kids grow up so fast, and you really never grasp the severity of how true that is until your own children grow up year after year. Sad! She used to be my cuddle bug, my sweet little quiet one. She still will snuggle on a rare occasion, but goodness her and my oldest are really switching roles on me lately. Now Averie is the sassy, and very dramatic child!

So Averie is all bummed out year after year of having a summer birthday. Madison always gets the spring birthday during school so always has big parties of some sort. We try with Averie, but at this age "close" friends to keep in  contact for her at this age are hard, and everyone is always on vacation. Last year we spent her birthday visiting Brew in Ohio, which was fun.

This year with school starting the same week, we had our own celebration at home, in which she was very spoiled and this weekend are going camping, (as in a majorly decked out camper with plasmas and good food) haha, in Payson. My grandma and mom are making her a cake and she is super excited!

She is growing up so fast! Last night her and Madison were talking about boyfriends, who broke up with who, etc. I about died! What happened to my little girls? It is very hard, no matter how you as a mom try to keep your kids little its a daily challenge to avoid what they hear, see and get from the outside world at school, from friends, etc. I always call  them my babies, which they hate and always tell me they are kids, I also hate the word kid, "My kid", sounds Ghetto to me!

6 going on 16.....My sweet babies! God help me!

When it rains it pours

After our crappy past few weeks with Brew's arm, I was prepared to start the week fresh. Let me tell you how this went.

Monday at the office, check account to see if Ford starting taking Brew's truck payment out automatically yet before I sent a check. You see Fifth Third Bank is retarded and who our truck is financed through, and doesn't let you pay online unless you bank with then, and has had major issues getting their crap together since February getting our payments on auto pay. So I log on...GASP!!!!!!!!! A check for just over $2,000 pending! Say What?!!  I called Brew who of course I could not get a hold of for ever since he was already at the field. Note to self..in case of emergency, my husband is unavailable from 2:30 - 11:00 pm...pretty much. I am in panic mode. I called the bank, durrr its Monday, "cant help you Ma'am, the check is still pending". You see, we don't write checks, maybe one a month, two max if I'm out of cash for the sitter. Brew and I have an unwritten rule (Thank god its unwritten) that over a certain amount of money we need to tell each other before we purchase it. Clearly I didn't spend that much in one sitting and I know he didn't. I control all finances, not that he isn't capable, but he is on the road, traveling, living in and out of hotels, we have two living expenses, two cable bills, two of everything so its easier for me, at home, the A type, to do it all, pay the bills and keep track. Its what I'm good at. Paying for things!! =) Now I'm in tears. I cant wait until tomorrow am! Finally when I did get a a hold of him, he was livid. At this point I realize I probably shouldn't have told him, what can he do, until I knew what the deal was. So the next morning when the money posted I called the bank. Oh My Lord! A fake check not even looking like our checks, all typed in in all areas...but my signature! Clearly I didn't sign it, but it was my signature. Detective Flores calls me and looked at over 20 checks I last wrote, and since I'm crazy I pretty much never sign my name the same twice. Ever. Every single check was different, every one, except the one check I wrote to his truck payment the month before. It was identical! PERFECT! The check number was also 10 checks exactly ahead...hmmm..scam. I didn't even have anymore. I ran out at that check and ordered more just last week. Freaking out we go to the bank, call the bank, freeze our accounts and wait. Waiting all week was agony. We kept being told by the 800 numbers they cant guarantee anything, but the inside banks were telling us its clearly fake. No duh. Get this, it was put in an ATM and all! Hello..cameras? Someones account?! I just felt terrible. Meanwhile, his personal online account was also hacked, which we got a call about. So we had to close that one too. Insane! Good news is now, after a week the bank has placed the money in our account and we have been informed that a letter with the persons info, etc has been mailed to us. So Ill be racing to the mail later...to be continued. 

Meanwhile, Friday, I get a call at the office, if you read my last post, you know Brew's elbow isn't doing well and the treatments aren't helping. I answer and he says, "Babe can you wait til Sunday to see Ice Age 3?" Huh?! He explains they just sent him to Florida...and he was so upset he just wanted to come home, understandably. He had to be there by Sunday. I cried so much for him I couldn't even function at work anymore, and I am not one who ever brings personal stuff to work. Unless its funny stuff! This was a blow we were not fully expecting. For those of you who don't understand this could mean a lot of things for us. The team has to make sure he is pitch healthy and has to continue treatment and care until he is. So this means a few things could happen.

• He could do treatments and get better before September when the season ends and come home healthy and hopefully get picked back up in the off season,
• He could do treatments, not get better by September and they keep him there as long as necessary which could mean weeks or months into the off season and after the season is officially over, only getting workers comp pay instead of his salary and living in team hotel.
• He keeps doing treatments, doesn't work, so they take next step do MRI, he needs surgery, Tommy John or something similar and they release him shortly after (which is common for teams after an end of season injury) and he comes home and spends a full year rehabbing and being paid from workers comp but he's home. Then hopefully when hes healthy can play again in a year from now.
• He keeps doing treatments, it doesn't work, MRI, Surgery and they don't release him meaning he would rehab in Florida for an entire year, living in a hotel.

All of the above are all very, very possible. Are you seeing where my tears are coming from yet?! As it stands today, sadly, he will most likely not pitch again this season and he has been shut down. This was my biggest fear for him and is so heartbreaking. He worked so hard last year in Indy Ball with the Lake Erie Crushers to get back into the league, and has had a great year so far this year, and now for this to happen. Any of the scenarios could greatly affect our family and of course my husbands future. Last night he made it safely to Florida, they let him drive since he had his truck instead of fly. He got to his room after a super long day of driving to a major messy roommate. He stayed in his own room for the night and was moved to another room today. Lets face it, nobody likes the thought of living out of a suitcase in a hotel for several weeks to months. He has to eat out every meal, unless he is at the field, they have meals, and doesn't get any good home cooking until he comes home. His schedule for the next several weeks is pretty boring.

6 am : Wake Up go to Field

6:30 -12 pm - Treatments and rehab at the field

12:00 Done at field

Rest of day to Bed time... Eat, walk around Bass Pro, Eat again, Fish, Eat again, Bed. (There is a lake behind their hotel)


Next day: Repeat, Repeat, Repeat.  He has to do this every day but Sundays. I wish so badly I could be with him there. 


The only good thing now is that although we are still 3 hours apart in time distance, we are on a similar early morning schedule and can actually talk before late at night instead of me waiting for the games to be over. Right now we are trying to stay positive and not think too much about the future, although for my husband, who is such a good man, and wants to be a good husband and father and take care of us, that is an incredibly hard task for him. I understand that, but Rome wasn't built in a day!!! (My mom just got back from Rome Tonight, so I find that fitting at the moment)!!


For now I am just praying the team has his best interest and hoping every day he gets a little better!


xoxo - Autumn

The heartbreak of an injury

A few weeks ago Brew's elbow starting really hurting. He went out and threw and was so painful he couldn't take it anymore so told the trainer. They evaluated it for a few days then finally put him on the DL. He was on the DL for a week while getting treatments daily until he went to the doctor. The team doctor didn't think anything was torn but gave him several anti-inflammatory pills and suggested to continue the treatments of hot/cold, and numerous other things. He also told him to stop throwing his curve ball. Umm...how do you tell a pitcher with a great curve ball to stop throwing it?! He also suggested increasing his forearm strength. Meanwhile, he was waiting to hear back from the doctor in Boston.

So another week goes by, which at this point he cant even lift weights. and hurts to even lift his baseball bag. The doctor in Boston got back to the team and said to only do cold treatments for now and no longer hot. At this point, it has been a few weeks and my husband has not been on the mound since June 30 th. It has been an incredibly discouraging and upsetting past few weeks for the both of us. All he wants to do is play. Usually if hes ever had a sore arm which is normal after several innings its better within 2 days or by the next time is pitches, but this time nothing has gotten better and its been over two weeks. I understand the team needs to assess the injuries very slowly and try to rehab them before they go into any further tests, MRI's, etc, it just makes things very frustrating when I see him in this position. All I can think about is it is the last 8 weeks of the season now, and I just keep praying for my husbands sake he gets to be on the mound before its over. 

He has done so well this year so far, it would break my whole heart if this is how it ends for him. Right now a lot of possibilities could be presented. He could get magically better, they could send him to Florida to rehab the rest of the season, they could send him to Florida to rehab the rest of the season and during the off season until its better which just makes me cry thinking about him being gone any longer than September, or they could keep him there on the DL and hopefully god answers our prayers and his elbow heals and he can play again in the next 8 weeks at some point. We just don't know what is wrong and I am hoping the Red Sox do something further other than doing treatment's on it and icing it before its too late. Hearing him on the phone and how upset he is over not being able to play...nothing hurts more than that. Of course I'm dying for him to be home and I'm endlessly counting down  the days until the off season, but I just have to remind myself that my husband gets to live out his dream and work towards his higher dreams every day, he is a role model for so many little boys who want  to be just like him, he gets paid to do his favorite thing in the world. How many people can say that? I feel selfish when I cry to him and I tell him how much I want him home, of course I want him to feel wanted, but I never intend to make him feel like he is wasting time away from his family. Baseball has a deadline, lets face it. Its something all ball players Minors or Majors deal with, unless your one of the very few who make millions and millions. So to sacrifice a few more years to let him live his dream and play his passion, I'd do it over and over again for him any day of the week until it starts directly affecting our marriage or our family. Sometimes lately I don't always have the right words to tell him, and at times nothing I say or anyone else says helps. I get that...all he has ever known in his whole life, is baseball. That's it. So I get he is scared and worried. He is an amazing man with worth ethic and determination that is out of this world. Sometimes I feel like he is wanting me to tell him to quit, to make his decision for him. I won't do that. I did tell him that if he can tell me his heart is truly still in it and he still has passion for it then he needs to stay and if not than whats this all really worth anyway and to come home and take some time to figure out what his heart wants to do in his next chapter in life. Of course, his heart is still in it. So he continues this dream, I just keep reminding him that he has something special or he wouldn't keep getting signed. This past off season when the Red Sox signed him after we already turned them down two years prior to go with the Brewers, I told him it was a sign. Who says no to the Red Sox...Twice?! Clearly, they see something in you and your arm or they wouldn't ask again especially knowing your getting older. Now, are they a tough organization and do they have some guys not moving up for years and years, yes, but to us, it was a chance for him to keep playing. Playing is all that matters to him. 

So for now, I have my bad nights and he has his, and this season has worn on us, and we are both ready for September....but I pray every night that he makes his healthy return to the mound before this seasons over, even if its the last day of the season. He deserves it. This is something that happens to players every day, I get its normal, but it really bothers me when people start asking me why he doesn't just come home. I believe  in my husband and I believe in his talent and I will keep my faith alive for him until he on his own decides to put his glove down and walk away.